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This is a personal reflection published under Pax Trail.
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To be honest, I never thought I would see 30. So waking up today, March 8th, 2026 feels like something I should genuinely be grateful for. For a long time, I believed I wouldn’t make it this far. I thought I would end my life before clocking 30. I thought the rat race called hustle would choke me so badly that I would give up completely, because this was never the kind of life I imagined for myself. I hated the rat race so much that I tried to choose my own path and run my own race. But somehow, through indecision and circumstance, I still ended up inside that same race anyway.
All my life, the only things I have ever truly wanted are peace and fulfillment. Nothing gives me deeper joy than those two things. Turning 30 scared me because it felt like I was about to begin another lap in this endless hustle. My fear was never whether things would work out or not. My real fear was when does it end? When does the running stop? When does a man finally rest?
I love my career, and at the same time, I don’t. I love that I can imagine something and then build it into reality. That part of my life feels magical. But I hate the other side of it, the constant chasing, the constant pursuit, the feeling that everything keeps getting harder and I must become harder just to keep up. I hate that I have to keep doing it over and over again. Maybe that’s also one of the reasons I’ve stayed away from marriage for now. The race already feels heavy enough.
A few days ago, the thought of turning 30 crossed my mind again and it honestly frightened me. My heart felt heavy and restless. I spoke with a business partner about it. We laughed about a few things, and he didn’t say much, but something he said made me feel like he understood the fear I was describing. Still, my heart kept racing. I’m a deeply emotional person, and when emotions become overwhelming, they can feel unbearable. In those moments, you start asking difficult questions: When do we stop chasing goals? When do we stop running? When do we finally rest?
There’s a saying that the more you talk about what you’re going through, the less heavy it becomes. While my heart still felt heavy, I spent time praying and being honest with God about how vulnerable I felt in that moment. Later, I reached out to a close friend. She assumed money or pressure was the reason I sounded the way I did.
Pressure? Maybe, but if anything, it would be personal pressure.
Money? Honestly? Not really. You still have to spend money normally now. By the way, if you’re not cashing out in this AI bubble right now, I honestly pity you. 😂
But the truth is, it wasn’t money. It wasn’t even pressure. My body and soul were simply tired of chasing goals. My soul wanted to sit down for a while and just live each day however it comes. I don’t have extravagant dreams. I genuinely enjoy a minimalist lifestyle. There isn’t anything overly complicated about the life I want.
The real problem with the rat race is that it never truly ends. The only real ending is death. Even when you finally achieve your dreams and begin living the life you once wished for, you’re still inside the race, just at a higher level. Now you must sustain the new lifestyle you created. And so the running continues. We keep chasing until we grow old, until we’re lying in some expensive hospital room at ninety-nine years old, telling ourselves we achieved something meaningful. Meanwhile, we never truly rested. I hate that idea.
So how did I overcome the thoughts I once had about not making it to 30?
I remembered Muse 🌿.
Starting Muse 🌿 has been one of the most fulfilling things I’ve done for myself in a very long time. Muse wasn’t created for hype, growth, or validation. It was created mainly for me, and for people who think the way I do. Through Muse, I’ve found a place to slow down and reflect. A place where I can step away from the noise, away from the race, and simply process my thoughts. Muse reminds me that I can still design my life the way I want, as long as God remains at the center of it.
Muse has given me permission to pause, to rest, and to step away when I need to. It reshaped something inside me. And for that, I’m grateful to God for starting it.
If you ever want to see what those quiet reflections look like, you can read them at Muse 🌿. They’re simply thoughts and perspectives I arrive at when I’m alone, away from distractions, away from the race, away from the pressure.
Muse saved me.
(And yes… I’m trying not to cry while writing right now.)
Looking back now, I’m grateful for how far I’ve come. My twenties were a decade of building, experimenting, learning, struggling, trying things, failing at some, and succeeding at others. But my thirties will be different.
My thirties will be loud and dope.
I spent my twenties building foundations. Now it’s time to actually enjoy the life I’m creating. I’m putting all my eggs in one basket now, my passions, my direction, the things I genuinely care about. And in my mind, the outcome is simple: I will succeed, or I will succeed. There is no other option.
I’ve prayed about the direction of this decade. I’ve written down my plans and my goals for my thirties. I know the world will still look like a rat race at times, but this time I’m giving myself permission to take breaks whenever I want. I have long-term visions that I would love to see come alive. But even if some of them never happen, I know I will still be okay.
Because nothing will ever take away my joy again.
And before I close this entry, I’ll leave one final note here.
Watch out for this name in the next decade:
Tavon Sekara.