đź“Ś Personal Journal Disclaimer
This is a personal reflection published under Pax Trail.
You may read and resonate with it, but please do not republish, quote, reference, or analyze this content publicly without written permission from the author, Thosyn Pax.
This space is a digital journal, not a media or content outlet.
We were raised to believe that marriage is a requirement, not a choice. That success without a ring is incomplete. That one partner must carry the entire weight. But we’re tired. This cycle? It’s draining. And it ends with us.
It’s a simple fact, the world has changed.
Other countries have seen it, embraced it, and adapted.
But here in Africa, especially Nigeria, we’re still stuck in 2010. And that’s why the picture isn’t clear for many of us yet.
We treat marriage like it’s mandatory, like it must happen at a certain age, or else something’s wrong with you.
But that’s not true. Marriage is optional, not a life requirement. And we need to start reasoning it that way.
Here is another aspect:
There’s no longer such a thing as a husband having all the money and the wife being secondary.
Today, relationships are built on shared value and mutual success. That’s the only way it works. If only one partner is bringing everything to the table, power imbalance will creep in, and with it, disrespect and resentment.
Here’s the thing for me, getting married is like starting a business.
Not just any business… but a high-stakes one. One that should grow into a billion-dollar company.
And to build that, you don’t just need a partner, you need someone who brings tangible value. That’s the only way the chances of success increase.
Because let’s face it, in business, documents bind us legally.
In marriage, love does. But if that love isn’t supported by shared dreams, shared responsibility, and emotional intelligence, it can’t carry the weight of life.
I’ve seen what it means to provide for a family. It’s draining.
Mentally. Emotionally. Financially.
Especially for women. Men are usually socialized to hide their struggle, till it choke.
Some escapes reality with alcohol, and some in silence. But women? When a woman carries the weight alone, it’s like running a company solo, feeding multiple mouths, and having nothing left to reinvest. It’s hell.
And that brings me to a conclusion I once reached, which is:
We won’t always get it right.
Some things will come easy. Some will take time.
And some may never come at all.
So what do we do?
We wait on the only One who can make the impossible possible.
And while waiting, we must accept that nothing is wrong with us.
Just because a friend got it right doesn’t mean we’ve failed. Everyone’s journey is different.
Stop chasing.
Start focusing, on yourself.
Because focusing on yourself is the greatest gift you can give to your future.
We all have dreams, goals, passions, and while we wait for the right person or the right time, we should be nurturing those things.
Like John Lennon said,
“It will get better in the end. And if it hasn’t gotten better, then it’s not the end.”
So if marriage hasn’t come yet, please don’t worry. Don’t overthink it.
Everyone walks a different path.
We will never all take the same route. And we’re not supposed to.
Some people get married at 30. Some at 40. Some may never marry and still live fulfilled, impactful lives.
So stop measuring your life with someone else’s ruler.
Truth is, if we don’t chase our own dreams, we’ll never feel fulfilled.
And if we’re not fulfilled, even love will feel like a distraction.
Many people before us gave up their dreams to chase love or marriage.
Some of our parents had dreams too. Big ones. But they never got to live them.
They poured everything into surviving… not thriving.
Let’s not repeat the same cycle.
I once wanted to be on Forbes 30Under30 as a CEO.
But the energy I was supposed to use to build that dream… I poured into love.
Not saying love is bad; it’s beautiful.
But love at the wrong time is a brilliant thing manifested prematurely.
I saw some data recently.
The highest rate of divorce in America?
It’s not infidelity. It’s not distance.
It’s money… and lack of personal fulfillment.
People divorce to go and search for who they lost in the process of trying to make others happy.
Same thing applies everywhere.
So here’s the real takeaway:
Chase fulfillment first.
Chase purpose.
Build your dreams.
And let everything else, including love and marriage, meet you while you’re on that journey.
And lastly, feel free to quote me if I am wrong.
Ire ooo