đź“Ś Personal Journal Disclaimer
This is a personal reflection published under Pax Trail.
You may read and resonate with it, but please do not republish, quote, reference, or analyze this content publicly without written permission from the author, Thosyn Pax.
This space is a digital journal, not a media or content outlet.
Lately, my night routine has changed, and honestly, it’s been a bit boring.
Movies aren’t doing much for me. I still try to watch my usual drama series, but even that doesn’t hit like it used to. There’s this quiet feeling that creeps in during those hours… a kind of loneliness.
Once it’s past 11 PM, the power comes back and I find myself jumping into work. I usually work till 3 or 4 AM, then crash and wake around 9 AM to start all over again.
I’ve tried reaching out to some old friends, even jumped on a few calls here and there. But keeping in touch takes a lot from me, emotionally, mentally. It’s something I’m still trying to get better at.
Yesterday, I made a decision.
I’m wrapping up all remaining client projects and stepping away from work-for-hire.
It’s time to pull all my skills together and build something for myself. Something solid. Something that matters.
Sounds exciting, right?
Still, I can’t ignore the emptiness that fills these nights. I couldn’t even push myself to hit the gym. Adapting to this new routine is tough.
My weekends are also about to shift since I’ll be going to Ibadan for my PGD at LeadCity University. (I know, I just digressed again… back to my boring nights.)
I just completed “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and it’s honestly hilarious. I’m glad I switched genres from action to drama and comedy. My brain is already working overtime during the day, I can’t afford to watch a movie and still have to think too much. I watched “The Sinner” too. It’s a brilliant show, but for two days I felt mentally stuck in that story. That’s why I’ll stick with drama and comedy from now on. Even out did myself and ended of watching “The Final Destination - Bloodline”
Most nights, I either study an AI course on Coursera or I watch something that makes me laugh.
But truth is… it still gets lonely.
I couldn’t even talk to her like we used to, hours and hours into the night.
I never thought it would turn out this way.
I swear, I had no idea.
I didn’t even know I was being affected psychologically until it hit me hard.
As much as I love silence and space, I miss those late-night calls.
This has been one of the hardest choices of my life:
Feelings or sanity?
I chose sanity.
And if I’m being honest, it’s my fault. I can’t say more than that.
All I do now is pray for mercy and forgiveness.
I learnt that from Job, that to be blameless, you must own your wrongs, whether you meant them or not.
Also, I archived some of my Instagram posts.
I stepped away from Afriheals Careers too (gracefully)
I’m walking a new path. I have no idea where it’s leading, but it feels like one of those “Abraham, leave your father’s house” moments.
Right now, I’m letting God lead. I’m not teaching, not mentoring, except for my sessions with Hagital Consulting as a facilitator.
The agency is still there, but I’ve reshaped it into a one-man setup. A startup product architect agency, and to be honest, it’s working out fine.
Anything that drains me or is outside my lane, I outsource.
Right now, I’m focused on just two things:
Technical Product Design
Startup Product Architecture
Both are wide enough to let me use all the skills I’ve picked up over the years, from design to dev to strategy. But still focused enough not to drown me.
Ire ooo