đź“Ś Personal Journal Disclaimer
This is a personal reflection published under Pax Trail.
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Lately, work has been a lot. I’ve found myself avoiding the bigger tasks, opting instead for the smaller, simpler ones. I know deep down this isn’t the best way, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling of being drained. It’s like every time I push myself to move forward, it only gets harder.
Right now, I’m thinking about stepping away from backend tasks and focusing more on UI and frontend work. The more I try to challenge myself with complex problems, the more exhausted I feel. What should be exciting and productive is starting to feel like a weight, and I can’t help but think maybe I need a break.
One thing I’ve realized is that coffee isn’t helping anymore. It used to give me that quick burst, but now it just doesn’t work. Still, I get excited about new projects—but I know I need to give my brain some space to breathe. Maybe I need to take on simpler tasks. Just today, I was supposed to fix a backend bug and a server issue, but here I am, writing about it instead. Strange, right?
Looking back, I’ve felt like this for years—since 2020, in fact. Each year, I feel weaker. My productivity is down, I struggle to focus, and my thoughts seem to drift off more and more. I’ve always known I have limits, but it feels like I’ve passed them, and now I can’t keep pushing myself.
A big part of it, I think, is multitasking. I used to handle six or more tasks across different projects in one day. I know now that it kills focus, but I ignored that advice. And now, I can’t even finish one task without feeling drained. I’ve been sleeping a lot lately—usually between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m.—and even though I’d get only a few hours of sleep, I’d still get up by 8 a.m. to start my day. But now, I’m sleeping in much late, missing morning meetings and feeling off-track.
And, I realize now that I need to focus on one project a day. I can’t keep jumping from task to task if I want to get things done without burning out.
Age is also part of this. I’m getting older, and I’m realizing that some routines need to change. For example, I had my second eye test yesterday, and it made me realize that it’s time to take better care of myself. I’m planning to hit the gym more regularly, and this time, I’m serious about it. Constant medical checkup is also important.
Another thing I’ve neglected is my spiritual life. As a Christian, I’ve fallen behind in my prayers and haven’t been able to recall many Bible verses. I haven’t been into music lately either, but I do miss listening to classical songs, so I’m thinking about bringing that back into my routine.
And then there’s working from home. It’s comfortable, but it’s also become a little isolating. Today, I’m stepping out to work from a different space to see if it changes my mindset.
With all this in mind, I’m about to start a new journey of self-discovery. I want to figure out how to address these struggles and become the best version of myself. One of my mentors once told me, “You are always better than the best,” and that stuck with me. I also remind myself, “I’m not special; I’m just different.”
So here’s to a fresh start—reading the Bible and other inspiring books in the mornings, listening to classical music for motivation, exercising, and working in a new environment. I’m ready for this change, and I’m excited to see where it takes me.
Alright, it’s 3:20 a.m., time to get back to work. No backend, I promise Thanks for listening. Lol
Ire ooo